Living With HIV | Sharing My Story

When Bruce Smail received an unexpected HIV diagnosis in February 2003, he thought his life had changed forever. What he did not yet understand was that the diagnosis was only one chapter in a much larger story, a story that had begun decades earlier on the island of St. Croix and would ultimately lead him toward purpose, healing, and the love of his life.

Still Here is an inspiring memoir of resilience, identity, and transformation. Raised in St. Croix, U.S. Virgin Islands, Bruce grew up surrounded by strong political and community leaders, including a mother who broke barriers in public service and a family deeply committed to civic engagement. Yet despite these powerful role models, Bruce often felt like an outsider. Bullied throughout his childhood, struggling to understand his sexuality, and repeatedly underestimated by peers, he learned early how loneliness and difference can shape a life.

As he enters college and discovers his voice through student leadership, Bruce begins a journey of self-acceptance that challenges social expectations around race, masculinity, sexuality, and belonging. His emerging confidence is tested repeatedly by profound losses, including the deaths of his mother and father within a short span of time. These tragedies, coupled with difficult relationships and professional setbacks, eventually culminate in a mental health crisis that nearly ends his life.

Choosing to live becomes the first of many acts of courage.

Through determination and the support of mentors, friends, and chosen family, Bruce rebuilds his life and establishes himself as a leader in higher education and social justice advocacy. Then comes another life-altering moment: an HIV diagnosis at age forty. Faced with fear, stigma, and uncertainty, he makes an uncommon decision. Rather than hide, he chooses to live openly and honestly as a person living with HIV.

His diagnosis becomes a catalyst for a deeper calling. Over the next two decades, Bruce transforms personal adversity into public service, leading HIV/AIDS organizations, advocating for marginalized communities, mentoring future leaders, and working at the intersection of racial justice, LGBTQ+ inclusion, public health, and higher education. Along the way, he confronts misconceptions about HIV, explores the complexities of identity, and learns that resilience is not about avoiding hardship but finding meaning beyond it.

Yet the greatest surprise comes later.

After a lifetime marked by heartbreak, loss, and reinvention, Bruce discovers something he had long hoped for but could never predict: enduring love. At sixty-two, he meets Murillo, a Brazilian man whose presence challenges everything Bruce thought he knew about timing, destiny, and second chances. Their relationship becomes the culmination of a lifelong journey toward authenticity, vulnerability, and joy.

Still Here is more than a story about HIV. It is a testament to the power of survival, the importance of living openly, and the belief that no matter how many times life knocks us down, it is never too late to rebuild, to dream, and to love.

In the end, this is the story of a man who faced loss, stigma, and uncertainty again and again, and who kept choosing life. Still here. Still hopeful. Still loving. Still growing.